Giving full attention
Attention is visible. These signals tell the speaker you are with them, in person and on a call.
In person
Face the speaker, phone out of sightNod and short sounds (“mm”, “right”) to show you are followingLet pauses sit; don’t fill themWait until they finish before you speak
On a video call
Camera on, notifications offLook at the camera when you speak, at them when they speakNod visibly; small sounds can cut in on audioAsk “Have I understood that right?” more often
Four ways to respond
A colleague says: “The client changed the brief again. That’s the third time this month, and now we’re supposed to deliver by Friday.” Here are four listening responses.
Paraphrase Say back the content in your own words. “So the brief has changed three times, and the deadline is still Friday.”
Reflect the feeling Name the emotion you sense. “That sounds exhausting, especially with so little time.”
Clarify Check one detail you aren’t sure of. “Is Friday the client’s deadline, or ours?”
Summarise Pull the key points together before moving on. “So: a new brief, the same deadline, and you need more time or less scope. Have I got that right?”
Questions that deepen understanding
Different questions do different jobs. Start open, then narrow down.
| Type | Its job | Examples |
|---|---|---|
| Open | Invite a full answer | “What happened?”“How do you see it?” |
| Clarifying | Check a detail | “When you say “soon”, do you mean this week?”“Which client is this?” |
| Probing | Go deeper into one point | “What makes that difficult?”“Can you give me an example?” |
| Reflective | Check meaning and feeling | “It sounds like you’re not convinced. Is that right?” |
| Summarising | Confirm and close a topic | “So the main issue is timing, not budget?” |
Three levels of listening
Coaches often describe listening at three levels. Most work conversations happen at level one; the techniques on this page move you to level two.
| Level | Your attention is on | What it sounds like |
|---|---|---|
| 1 · Internal | Yourself: what you will say next | “That happened to me too…” |
| 2 · Focused | The speaker: their words, tone and feelings | “So the third change this month is what’s really frustrating?” |
| 3 · Global | The whole situation, including what is not said | Noticing they went quiet when the client was mentioned, and asking about it later |
Listening when you disagree
Listening matters most when you think the other person is wrong. Understanding their view fully first makes your reply more accurate and more likely to be heard.
Ask what led them thereFind out the facts or experience behind their view before you answer it.“What makes you think the March date is too early?”
State their view fairlyPut their position in your own words, well enough that they would agree with it.“So your concern is that testing will be rushed if we launch in March.”
Then give yoursStart from what you agree on, then add where you differ.“I agree testing can’t be rushed. Where I see it differently is…”
Practise: what would you say?
Read each statement, think of a reflecting response, then reveal a model answer.
“I’ve asked three times for access to the system and nobody has replied.”
“I think the new structure could work, but I’m not sure where I fit in.”
“Honestly, the presentation went fine.”
“We could launch in June, if design delivers, if legal signs off, and if the budget comes through.”
