Japanese Customs and Etiquette: Know What to Do and Say

Culture and etiquette: what to do, and what to say

Bow from the waist with a straight back. Foreign visitors are not expected to be precise; a small bow with a greeting is always welcome.

Short answer: Japanese etiquette and language are tied together: each gesture comes with set words. A bow goes with よろしくお願いします, entering a home with お邪魔します, handing over a gift with つまらないものですが. Underneath is the idea of 空気を読む, “reading the air”: noticing what others feel without being told, which is why so much in Japanese is said indirectly.

Visiting a home

Each step has its phrase.

Gifts and souvenirs

Give and receive with both hands. お土産 (souvenirs, usually food from your trip) are expected after travel, for colleagues as well as friends.

Giving (modest)

Giving (modern)

Receiving

Chopsticks and the table

Two chopstick habits are linked to funerals, which is why they are avoided at meals.

Hot springs and public baths

Wash and rinse fully at the showers before entering the shared bath, keep towels out of the water, and check the sign for tattoos, which some baths still refuse.

Manners on trains

Public transport has quiet rules everyone follows.

Seasonal gifts

Two gift seasons, お中元 in summer and お歳暮 in winter, thank people for their help through the year.

At a shrine or temple

What to do and say.

手てtehandsとtoand口くちkuchimouthをo(object)清めますきよめますkiyomemasupurify

Te to kuchi o kiyomemasu.“First, rinse your hands and mouth.”Why: At the water basin (手水舎) by the entrance.

二礼にれいnireitwo bows二拍手にはくしゅnihakushutwo claps一礼いちれいichireione bow

Nirei nihakushu ichirei.“Bow twice, clap twice, bow once.”Why: The prayer sequence at a Shinto shrine. At Buddhist temples, do not clap.

お守りおまもりomamoria charmをo(object)いただけますかitadakemasu kamay I receive?

Omamori o itadakemasu ka.“May I have a charm?”Why: Charms are “received”, not bought.

Check yourself

Try each one, then open the answer to check and hear it.

(entering someone’s home)
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Ojama shimasu.
(giving a gift, modestly)
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Tsumaranai mono desu ga.
(before eating)
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Itadakimasu.
the shrine prayer sequence
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nirei nihakushu ichireiBow twice, clap twice, bow once.
Please read the room.
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Kūki o yonde kudasai.

Reading the air: 建前 and 本音

建前 (tatemae) is what is said in public; 本音 (honne) is what someone truly thinks. Indirect phrasing protects harmony, and listeners read the gap.

空気くうきkūkithe airをo(object)読んでよんでyondereadくださいkudasaiplease

Kūki o yonde kudasai.“Please read the room.”Why: Said, half joking, to someone who misses social cues. KY (kūki yomenai) means someone who cannot.

今度こんどkondonext timeぜひzehidefinitely遊びあそびasobivisitにnifor来てくださいきてくださいkite kudasaiplease come

Kondo zehi asobi ni kite kudasai.“Do come and visit some time.”Why: Often 建前: friendly, but not a firm invitation. A date and time make it real.

考えてかんがえてkangaetethink aboutおきますokimasuin advance

Kangaete okimasu.“I’ll think about it.”Why: Frequently a polite no.